new developments

a recent text message battle with seattle boy:

seattle boy: "hey, so to be honest? i'm sorry cuz i know you like me and to be honest i like you and i like ellen too (that's her name) ... i love her actually -- i've talked to her waaay more than you so don't let that frustrate you. thing is that's not fair to you and i think that if i could really make up my mind about who i could have a happy life with i'd go that route but i'm sucking at that decision making process. i could love you too ... perhaps easily. but i'm keeping a little distant because it wouldn't be fair to her. truth is, i'm a bit torn between both of you and frankly it sucks. i wanted to let you know where i am. i understand if you think i suck. i hope you don't. i don't want you to think i'm stringing you along ... at least not purposefully. i apologize if i'm hurting you. i've really got myself into a pickle here. i talk to her and i love her. i talk to you and love talking to you! then i just get flustered. i want what's best for me and i honestly don't know who that is. having been married before i certainly do not want to marry the wrong person. she has three kids that i love too! but we can't really talk until she's fully divorced and we don't know when that will be. grrr ... this is tough."

me: "jim, i'm okay. it's funny, i spent most of the weekend trying to figure out how to tell you that i think it's important for you to figure out how you feel about ellen before you even think about me -- i don't want to be in the middle either -- i do really like you, but i think it's good for us to be friends -- even friends that flirt shamelessly because that's fun -- until you can figure that out. i love being friends with you. i don't think you suck. i've thought about a future with you -- i think it would be good, but only if you're sure about what you want. which at this point you aren't. it's okay. i actually fully expect you to wait for her divorce to come out and see where that goes. i want you to be happy and i'm not gonna trap you into something because ... i also want me to be happy. :) i'm okay with you and i hope you're okay with me. i'll tell you if i'm ever not okay. okay?"

seattle boy: "man you have no idea how much i appreciate your understanding. i do enjoy our conversations and you. i appreciate your patience. geez i just really appreciate you. thank you! :)"

me: "careful, i'm gonna get a big head to match yours. :) no, we're good. i appreciate your telling me this -- i've been wondering. i know where i am with you, and i'm good with that -- i think you're a kick in the pants and like talking to you. so yeah, we're good."

seattle boy: "yeah. i don't want you wondering and i'll try to keep you updated on things k? i really enjoy talking to you."