i don't know how facebook arrives at suggested friendships. well, some are obvious: my sister's friends -- hey, if i know my sister, it is possible i know her friends, too. others, i just don't see the link. let's just face it, facebook is amazing.
well, it took almost 3 years, but facebook finally decided i should be friends with pharmacy boy. interesting. apparently facebook is stalking me on my trips to the pharmacy.
umm, ignore.
when i was talking to my mom the other night, she said she had a great idea to set me up with a guy she works with.
only problem is ...
... i already went out with him.
like 5 years ago.
man, i've been around too long ...
(this story has been a long time coming, so hold on tight.)
the most romantic evening of my life was probably somewhere in the realm of "nerdiest evening" for most of all y'all normal people out there.
one day in early may, i was sitting at my client's office, working and minding my own business, when got a pleasant surprise. my phone buzzed and the following text message battle with an old friend ensued ...
the captain: christianna ... we need to talk.
me: what's up?
the captain: i posted something to your wall on facebook.
me: okay. lemme look at it.
the captain: fancy.
... i checked facebook and saw a somewhat long message that ended with "maybe i can take you to dinner next week sometime?" i responded via text.
me: dinner next week sounds great. actually, dinner anytime sounds good to me -- like to eat dinner at least once a week.
the captain: you are the awesomest. i think i owe you a year of dinners.
me: ha. that's a lot of dinners. just don't make me eat them all in one sitting. i'd just embarrass myself.
the captain: yeah, i don't want you to get fat. actually, you might die. i'll need to check with science on that though. also, i think you know exactly what i mean. i hope.
not really.
me: i don't want to die, so let me know when you hear back from science on that one. for now, i am going out of town on wed next week. so ... monday for dinner?
the captain: what about tonight? it'd have to be at 9:45 ish because i have to help fix someone's computer. but monday is still good.
me: tonight works better, actually. where do you wanna meet? or whatever?
the captain: don't wait to eat if you are hungry. we could probably just go get some ice cream cones from mcdonalds.
the captain: oh and i know this is very random but i can explain everything.
me: that works, too. you don't want to tell me what this is about? you okay?
the captain: i'm fine. i've had a rough week but i just think it's satan getting after me. no, wanting to see you is because i want to see you. i've been going the wrong direction for a year. sorry to be so deep or whatever.
ummm ... what does that mean? ...
me: okay. glad you're okay. i'll see you tonight. it *has* been way too long.
the captain: don't we know it.
and then i waited for the evening. totally and completely unsure of what was coming.
at around 930 i caught my first glimpse of what was coming as i opened the door and watched as a very anxious man walked up the drive trying desperately to pull *on* his red jacket. (as he was coming *into* the house? hmm, okay.) he got to the screen door and i was waiting for him there.
it was good to see him. i told him so.
i welcomed him into the house. this kid was nervous. apparently. he had some trouble mastering the function of the screen door, which, i know, is harder than it looks: guess not everyone is capable of timing it just right so as to *not* hit himself/herself in the face. so count yourself blessed and talented if you can.
having hit himself in the face with the screen door, the captain was rubbing his temple as he stepped across the threshold. but upon entering, he landed on me with a fabulous hug. after a little minute he asked, "hugging's good, right?" (p.s. little minute is a direct translation from the português minutinho. i haven't been able to shake that phrase in the past 4 years.)
"yeah, hugging's good."
we stood there a minute longer. then after the embrace that i didn't want to end, the captain took his red jacket off (hmm, okay) and asked to use the bathroom. i showed him the way and witnessed the second clue of his heightened nerves: as this young man walked past the bed to access the bathroom, he kicked the footboard (which is something i have done many a time), which tripped him and sent him headfirst to the ground (which i have *not* done many a time). oh, my goodness. i don't even know if i was able to contain my laughter. thinking back on it, though, i kinda hope i did, because, yeah.
the captain seemed to calm himself down a bit in there, because he came out more cool and collected. it was kinda late at that point, so we were going to just go grab some ice cream, but we just got to talking at the house.
i sat down on the couch and he asked, "can i sit by you?" okay, maybe he wasn't as cool and collected as i had thought. oh, well.
we talked for a while, just kinda catching up and other small talk. but soon he got a little more serious and was like, "well, i've known this for a long time ... and it was like a year ago when we first met. and i dunno, i kinda felt like there was something that could be there ... and then i was stupid and i went to idaho and got wrapped up in something that was really not a good relationship ...
"and you and i, we've been friends. and then i broke up with idaho and dated this other girl for a while back in february. but that wasn't right.
"and i was kinda wondering ... and i don't know if you liked me back then or what you think of me now ... but i was kinda wondering if there might be an opportunity for me to ...
"...
"maybe
"...
"have ... an opportunity?"
i had no idea what to say.
he continued, "i mean, i don't know what's going on with you at all right now ..."
as i processed all this information, the only thing that came out of my mouth was, "okay ..."
[stay tuned]
in celebration of today being thursday, i wanted to share a couple memories of thursdays past ...
the epic mr. thursday
in my parents' ward, there lived a very good looking young man. uh huh.
i had met this guy before my mission, so when i returned, we caught up quickly/briefly my first sunday back in the states. after church that day, my little sister's boyfriend suggested that i ask this guy out. for thursday. (please note that the suggested thursday was exactly one week from the time i stepped off the plane.)
i said okay.
so i quickly grabbed the phone and called him up. he was more than obliging and agreed that thursday would be an excellent day for a date. and it was.
thursday came and, for the date, we watched spiderman (the first one -- because the second one would be coming out in just a few weeks -- see? trying to set it up for an automatic second date) and then made churros, brazilian style. (pretty similar to the mexican treat, but just imagine those cinnamon-and-sugar-covered sensations filled with chocolate. mmm. drool, drool. those alone are the reason i gained 10 pounds in one of my mission areas. really.)
that thursday night, mr. thursday and i stayed up talking until 1. which was super late for a girl that just got off her mission a week ago! but so much fun!
mr. thursday and i went out a handful of other times after that. but it wasn't meant to be ... something i noticed when i unfortunately kept burning the kid every time we talked. it was awful. (and fodder for some follow-up don't-do-it-this-way posts.)
sigh.
naked thursday
a couple months ago, a friend and i decided that we would give up on becoming cpa's and instead start a promotional button-making business. y'know, the kind of buttons that we used to wear in high school whenever there were student elections coming up. (don't have any idea if kids still use those. do they? am i dating myself here?)
anyway, after coming up with some pretty snazzy slogans and clever commentaries, we decided that our skills could better be used in the t-shirt making business. that decision pretty much came as a result of this genius:
get it? ha ha ... get it?
there you go. happy thursday, everyone.
i just wanted to thank everyone for your comments on my last post. i am so blessed with good friends and family. thank you!!
also, just wanted to clarify something: even though i am happy with my life as it is and ... [insert text from previous post] ... i still like to get set up! i think it's so much fun to get to know new people! i especially appreciate knowing that my friends and family are keeping an eye out for me. so ... if any of y'all have any suggestions for me ... send 'em over!
:P
cute guy said to me last night that he thought i had given up on getting married. he said that he thought i had said something at some point to the effect of "well, if it happens, it happens. but if not, that's okay." which, i guess may be exactly what i said, but not intending to mean that i have given up on the whole getting married thing. and i told him that. i told him that perhaps i had said that, but what i meant was that i know that it isn't all up to me. i know that if i do get married, i will. but if i don't, i know that i will be happy and be okay with it because i know Heavenly Father wants me to be happy, so that would be what makes me happy.
a few years ago, a guy that i had known for maybe a half hour asked me, "so are you one of those girls that wants to do her career first before getting married?" i told him quite assuredly, "no." i didn't express this to him at the time (because i like to just think about things for a while before forming and stating an opinion), but i really didn't like that he asked me that. i thought back over the brief conversation that i had had with him prior to his question, and i honestly didn't know -- and still don't know -- what i had said that made him think that.
but let me declare here and now that i do want to get married. i want to have a family of my own. i want to have kids. i want all of that. but i'm not going to stress myself out about it; i'm not going to be depressed that i am not yet at that stage in my life. and i add that comment especially despite the fact that "round" after "round" of my friends have gotten married and fallen into the married-people-don't-have-contact-with-unmarrieds hole.
i see the articles in the ensign encouraging the single adults in the Church to be anxiously engaged in activities and pursuing those things that will make them better servants in the Kingdom and better children of God all around. these articles make me think. these articles lead me to evaluate my life. these articles assure me that i am doing the right thing in pursuing the activities that interest me, in building friendships with (married and single) people all around me, in seeking to improve myself and my station in life. these articles encourage me to do better and to be better.
then i listen to friends who bemoan the curse of singledom, and i understand why our leaders are concerned for the single adults. and i understand why my mom mails me my own special copy of these issues of the ensign.
i don't feel a need to be concerned about *why* i am not married yet. i don't feel a desperation to "fix" the situation. i don't feel ashamed or embarrased that my life isn't like that of my older and younger (married) sisters. my life is the way it is. i have done so many great things with the opportunities that i have had. i'm not unhappy. i choose not to be. and it *is* my choice. i find joy in the experiences i have had and in the ones i look forward to.
i'm not saying that i am glad that i haven't gotten married yet "because it has given me the opportunity to have the experiences i have had". i don't say that because there is no comparison -- there is no conceivable way to compare my life to the one i could have had if i were married already.
which thought reminds me of a question i got many times as a kid: "so do you like having your birthday right before Christmas?" well ... my response: "do you like having yours *not* right before Christmas?" how do you answer that? have you known it any other way? or, another frequent question: "did you like moving around a lot as a kid?" well, "did you like living in one house the whole time you grew up?" can you really form a like/dislike opinion about something for which you have no basis of comparison? do you really know if you like chocolate if you haven't tried vanilla? like/dislike is a relative measure.
we all know the phrase, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." it is greener because we don't live there. if we did live in that other very green yard, perhaps we would notice the weeds, the dandelions, the tufts of crab grass. if we did live in that other very green yard, perhaps we would know all the watering, weeding, and work it takes to make it *look* so green. if we did live in that other very green yard, perhaps we would look across the fence and see a yard that looks nice and comfortable, not perfect, but loved anyway; a yard that is unique; a yard that, perhaps at times, even appears greener than our own. that's the problem with comparing: we simply don't have the right perspective.
and so i cannot compare my life as i have had it with my experiences, trials, and joys to the life i could have had if i had been married already.
i wouldn't trade my life for any other, not because "i *love* my life" and "i wouldn't trade it for any other" ... but quite simply because i *can't*: i *can't* trade it for any other. my life is a blessing that Heavenly Father gave *to me*; it is *for me*. i am not bound to try and "return" such a gift. and i am not going to let Satan or anyone try to convince me that it isn't the "right" gift ... it's *my* gift ... from the One that knows and loves me the most.
monday i went to family home evening down in santa monica with my friends, dave and matt. the evening's activity? a dating forum. (pretty timely considering the topic of this month's ensign. so now when mom asks me if i have read the ensign this month, i can tell her that not only have i read it, but i have attended a dating forum in order to finally be cured of this disease called "being single". see? i *am* putting in an effort. ha.)
in theory, the dating forum was a good idea. i mean, it sounds like a great opportunity to get some answers to some questions that we all have. in practice ... mmeh ... it didn't quite turn out. i feel like the "panel" of girls basically spent an hour complaining about all the things the guys do wrong, and the guys in the audience walked away not only feeling bad for all the things they do wrong, but at an even greater loss for what to do in the future.
and the whole thing really chaps my hide. why do we make this so hard? the part that upset me the most was when the girl panelists appeared sincerely offended when one of the guys joked about recommending that girls ask guys out if they want.
i have spent too much time recently trying to convince my girl friends that if they want to go out with a certain guy, they should ask him out. the usual response ("i've never asked a guy out -- can i do that?") just doesn't fly with me. of *course* you can do that!! who is to tell you that you can't?! i mean, really. when was the last time you had to get someone's permission to do what you want to do? we aren't in third grade anymore. if you wanna go out with him -- ask him.
and that's pretty much how i live my life. i've been asking guys out pretty much since the beginning of time. well, since i was 16. (thanks, for the strength of youth manual.) which is the same thing. right?
anyway, and i actually find that guys will hardly ever turn you down. maybe it's just because they are so flattered or impressed that you asked them out. if that's the case: that's okay by me. and yeah, sometimes it seems kinda hard to get up the courage to ask a guy out, or you totally flub the delivery and make a fool of yourself doing it, but c'mon, you make a fool of yourself everyday. why not at least get a date out of it?
so sunday i met a friend of my friends liz and john. he had served his mission with them in poland, currently lives in sacramento, and was down to visit for the weekend. we chatted for a bit at church before sunday school and he seemed nice. after church and back at home, pat (the lady i live with) asked me who the cute guy was (i think she may be trying even harder than my mother to get me married ... as you will see). after explaining that he lives in sacramento, she asked, "aren't you going to sacramento this weekend?"
"yesss ..."
"well, you should call him. you should call liz. you should call liz and tell her what's going on. she'll be so excited. you should call right now. here's the number and the phone!" she is very eager to get me married. (i wonder if it's because she wants me to move out. hmmm. nah, couldn't be that.)
next thing i knew, i was standing in the living room with the phone to my ear saying, "i can't believe i'm doing this ... but would your friend want to hang out or something this weekend." to which liz's response was, "well, i don't know. he's standing right here -- do you want to ask him?" (a chain of events that was completely unforeseen and for which i was completely unprepared. somehow i didn't even imagine that happening. c'mon, christianna.)
and then i was on the phone with him! *!!* bah!
now, as i said, i have asked guys out before. it's not that big of deal and usually goes just fine. unfortunately, i can't say that it *always* goes just fine. because this one did not go "just fine". after stuttering through a "this is christianna ... from church ... remember me?", i followed up with a stellar, "well, i've got this wedding up in sacramento on friday, and so i was thinking that maybe we could meet up and hang out on saturday."
"umm, yeah. that would be fun." he responded. great!
so far, so good. right?
and then, because i usually have some plan or idea of what to do on a date when i ask the guy out, i started in on the next step of asking a guy out: present the planned activity. yep. only problem: didn't have a plan. and not only that, but didn't realize that i didn't have a plan until after i had started talking again. ugh. so what usually comes out as a fun "so i was thinking we could grab a couple boogie boards and hit the beach" or an interesting "there is this really great restaurant out on the pier that i am dying to try" ... came out as "well, uhh ... uhhh ... uhh ...". not kidding.
after spinning my wheels for a period of time that was probably in actuality about 3.2 seconds long but seemed an eternity to be not talking ... i came out with, "uhh ... well, i don't really know what there is to do there ... so ... maybe i can just get your number and we can both think about it and get back in touch in a couple days?" oh, gosh, christianna. really? did you really do that?
yup.
he was kind and agreed, gave me his digits, and promised that we'd "have a great time". thank you.
so yeah. [sigh]. i survived. completely and totally botched it, but i survived. this was not my first time asking a guy out ... and i kinda wanna say it was the worst time ... but we all know that's not true ... (insert stories of mr. thursday here) ...
anyway, as i said, i make a fool of myself everyday -- i really ought to get a date out of it at least sometimes. right?
after finding my blog a couple months ago, a friend of mine had the following reaction:
"you have an obsession with chocolate and men --
which makes you like 99% of women in the world"
hmm. i'm not sure i like that. and i thought about it a lot, actually. see? well, i probably am obsessed with chocolate. i'll give you that. i mean, with a blog title like mine, i think that's probably a given. but obsessed with men? dunno. hmmm.
for those of you who don't know me in real life, i don't know that i really want that to be the impression you have of me. and for those of you that do know me, i hope you realize that i have to write about entertaining things -- y'know, to keep readership up. but i kinda decided that i was going to change the topics of my posts.
so, i did. i haven't been writing about chocolate, like at all. (i wrote about beef, yes. but no one ever suggested that i was obsessed with beef. did they??) and i really haven't written anything about men.
... and my blog has been a little dry. admittedly.
i am getting a bit tired of trying to make my work life seem *really* interesting -- well, at least interesting enough to not fall asleep while writing about it, let alone reading about it. which is really exhausting! i'm sorry, but accounting just really isn't that exciting. (hope nobody slits their wrists because of that revelation. if so, i'm sorry for that, too.)
and so, i'm changing my mind again. we will soon be welcoming posts about chocolate, posts about men, and maybe even some posts about chocolate *and* men! ooo! this opens all kinds of doors!! so sit tight kiddies, this will be fun.
oh -- and if any of y'all want to think that i am obsessed with chocolate and men ... well, perhaps ... you might be right ... but i guess there's not much i could do about that, anyway. so i might as well just write what i want. right?
okay, so friday i met up with my sisters, bro-in-law, and cami (a real australian -- yeah -- in real life) to go down to 3rd street promenade for some good old-fashioned people watching and foot slaughtering. (eden even asked me before we went if i wanted to put on my flip flops. but i wanted to be cool in my snakeskin shoes, towering over the rest of the party. i'll admit that was a bad idea. because it was.)
so after a couple hours of walking around, and maybe one more limping around, and then another one waiting hopelessly at a restaurant that only had open seating -- which can be okay unless you happen to be in a party of 6, in which case, open seating is such a bad idea -- so, after all those hours ... we finally gave up, decided to find food somewhere not at 3rd street promenade, and limped back to the car -- well, okay, i was the only one limping.
on our way down santa monica blvd, my bro-in-law saw a denny's! yea for denny's! (did i really just say "yea for denny's?" uh huh. i did. just checked. mmeh, oh well -- we were really hungry.)
so after we got seated there, i had to go wash my hands. (we really should take a tip from the brasilians here: let's put a sink out in the restaurant reception area so we can all be a little more hygienic. don't you agree? c'mon, who's with me?)
so as i hobbled to the restroom with my frizzy-because-of-the-santa-monica-humidity hair tied in a knot and held in place with a sharp stick, i saw a familiar face. took me a couple seconds to flip through the catalogs of "familiar faces" in my head, but finally found him:
umm, airplane boy.
whoa, weird.
you will recall my traumatic grocery experience from a few months ago. i think i was too ambitious last night when i decided enough time had passed so i could once again return to the hallowed halls of my neighborhood ralph's.
innocently enough, i just stopped in to quickly grab some milk and some toothpaste (very quickly: i had mcdonald's calling my name from the car).
so as to not let my fries get too cold without me, i followed a very efficient route inside the store, spending a total of about 5 minutes in there. mom would have been proud. so, with my goods in hand and ready to check-out, i noted only one cashier on duty: grocery guy. hmmm. but ... there's always the self-checkout registers ... so i headed there, quickly rang myself up, and started toward the door.
i had to cross the front of the store, though, right past grocery guy. and at the very moment i was passing his cash wrap, he turned around and saw me. he smiled with a smooth, "hey gorgeous, is tax season over?"
i smiled, because i always smile and i really don't want to be mean. then i answered with a simple "yes" and kept walking, to which he responded, "good. well, then maybe we'll see more of you now."
[whimper ...]
i need more milk. i poured the last drops into my cup with dinner on sunday night. but because of recent events, i can't just stop at the grocery store after work anymore. what's a milk-cravin', grocery-guy-avoidin', pathetic-flirt of a girl to do?
i freely admit that i am a flirt. because i am.
it's probably been about a year since grocery guy came chasing after me and my car in the ralph's parking lot waving my forgotten kool-aid packets in his hand. he worked at night. and i usually made my ralph's run at night, after work.
so, since then, we'd say hi and have a short exchange at the end of my long day and the beginning of his long night. it was a perfect relationship.
one night i was going to some event with my friend becky and needed to pick up some stuff from the grocery store beforehand, so she came with.
"oh, you'll get to see grocery guy!" i exclaimed.
"there's a grocery guy?" she asked, "what, like a bagger boy?"
"no, he's like the night manager or something. he has pretty eyes. you'll see." i promised.
usually grocery guy hung out near the front of the store by all the cash wraps. he wasn't there when we walked in, and as we wandered around the store looking for strawberries, powdered sugar, and other waffle toppings, i wasn't sure grocery guy was working that night. but as becky and i were heading up to the check-out, my mind was set at ease for i found him -- he was straightening something on the bread aisle. we said quick hellos and, because i get so embarrassed flirting in front of an audience (i.e., becky, in this case), "hello" was the extent of the delightful banter for the evening. :S
back in the car, i asked becky,
"so ... that was grocery guy." (okay, i guess i didn't *ask* anything, i just commented, really. but the question was implied.)
"wait -- who?"
"that one guy, in the bread aisle. that was grocery guy." i said matter-of-factly.
"*that* was him? hmm. i thought you said he was cute."
"i said he has pretty eyes."
"oh."
end of conversation. i think that's the last time i share any of my flirting conquests with becky.
so then, the other night i had to stop by ralph's on my way home from the client's office because our bucket-o-chocolate needed replenishing. and because i was completely mentally exhausted, i called my sister to help me pick out some good stuff for the guys at work. 20 minutes and $15 later, i was walking across the front of the store with my loot -- still on the phone with my sister.
grocery guy was standing at one of the registers.
he saw that i was on the phone, so he just gave a little wave and mouthed a "hello", which i reciprocated, though without the wave because one hand held the phone to my ear and the other secured the sweet sack of goodies. as i continued to walk toward the door, we kinda just smiled at each other since i was obviously otherwise engaged at the moment. and as i was about to pass grocery guy in his cash wrap, he mouthed a "me?", pointing to himself then making the international call-me signal using his thumb and pinky finger held up to his ear.
eeeerch!
at this point i completely forgot what i was saying to my sister on the phone, trying to process this request and, all the while, trying really hard to not (1) drop the grocery sack, scattering chocolate of a near-embarrassing quantity and variety across the tile floor, nor (2) run into any of the myriad of grocery carts scattered at the front of the store (who just leaves those there anyway?).
blink. blink.
somehow i was not ready for this. i mean, i've only known the guy for what, a year -- maybe -- and suddenly he wants to up the ante from just casual flirting and concise conversations to the exchanging of phone numbers??! and *then* what? a phone call? a conversation lasting more than 3½ minutes?? really?? and i suppose that will eventually lead to the moment when we exchange names, huh? and is he someday going to shoot me the double-barrel with a wink? am i gonna have to be the kind of girl that likes that? *am* i the kind of girl that likes that?
umm. i'm definitely not ready for this at all.
"hello? ... uhh, hello-o?" buzzed the girl at the other end of the phone.
guess my sister noticed that i stopped talking mid-sentence, perhaps mid-word.
as i continued my trek across the front of the store, i miserably attempted to play the whole thing off coolly. i smiled and just kept walking toward the door and toward freedom, pretending to be thoroughly enthralled with the conversation i was having on the phone. please don't let my cheeks turn bright red until i'm out of this fluorescent light and in the cool safety of the dim street lights. please, please.
by the time i got to my car, i had collected myself enough to try to finish my conversation with my sister. i think. and as i drove home, pondering the events of the evening, i came to a conclusion: i'm not sure i can late-night-grocery-shop anymore. there is just all too much pressure on the relationship now, says the commitment-phobic californian. i think i might have to become a daytime shopper now. maybe do grocery shopping during my lunch break. or i could use my vacation days to restock the pantry. or i could just stop grocery shopping altogether and alter my diet to consist of solely those items that can be found at the circle-k. i know they have guava rockstar at the circle-k. what about beef? and chocolate??
the following was sent to me as an excerpt from an article entitled, "seven deadly dating sins". this is kinda the consensus of *lots* of advice i have recently received. i definitely have an opinion about this subject, but i'd like to hear your comments (and feel free to leave anonymous comments, if you want).
"Never keep your ex in your phone or on your buddy list. After you drop his toothbrush in the toilet—oops!—the first thing you should do after a nasty breakup is to get him off your radar. Completely. That means removing his number from your cell phone, getting him off any speed dials, and bumping him off your buddy lists online. Why this draconian purging? If the relationship and breakup were intense and emotional, it can be hard to wash him out of your hair. For many people, getting rid of all contact info is an important part of healing and finally being able to move on. And if you still have feelings for your ex—good or bad—having that number or buddy user name available at the press of a button makes it all too easy to put off the healing that needs to be done with a call or message."
share your thoughts. i'd like to know. thanks!
:D
every once in a while the clouds part and the sun shines down. and i, through no fault or merit of my own, just happen to be standing *right* there where all the sunny goodness lands. (on other occasions, i just happen to be standing right there were the bird doo lands, too -- metaphorically and literally -- but we'll discuss that at a later date.)
so, as i bask in the warmth, enjoying the unanticipated sunlight, i wonder just how long it will last. because i know that soon enough the light begins to wane, the clouds roll in, and the sun disappears above them. and life returns to the one-foot-in-front-of-the-other process that it always has been.
the very same week that i met pharmacy boy, he had knee surgery. so since our chance meeting that was itself a frolic in a moment of sunshine, we haven't had much conversation other than random midnight texts and one email. okay, and one short phone call. hardly anything to blog about. but i feel this story needs closure.
a couple days ago, i got the following text message:
pharmacy boy: good morning. how r u? i am a little better. i was prescribed a sedative to help me sleep. i think i will be visiting family for the next month. i will leave friday. i hope you have a very happy holiday.
so, sometimes wonderful, exciting things happen, but the timing just isn't right. as "grown ups" we realize that's just the way life is, so we live with it. but i have to say, it would have been so much more fun to live with if pharmacy boy had taken me for a ride on his bike sometime before the sun hid itself behind the clouds.
in grammar, a preposition is a part of speech that introduces a prepositional phrase. it is any member of a class of words found in many languages that are used before nouns, pronouns, or other substantives to form phrases functioning as modifiers of verbs, nouns, or adjectives, and that typically express a spatial, temporal, or other relationship. we use them all the time. "the cat is on the sofa." "the chipmunk ran around the tree." "i have the gift for her in my car." "i made a fool of myself on the phone with him."
last may i went to in-n-out burger on my way to my sister eden's house. as i was waiting in the drive-thru line, i was talking to my other sister inge on the phone. as they do when there is a long line at the drive-thru, an in-n-out employee was standing outside with a headset, taking orders and relaying them to the kitchen. i guess it's their way of committing you to wait in the long line: after all, you've already ordered your double-double, animal style, and chocolate shake. (what do you mean, "is that what you always order, christianna?"?)
so i was on the phone with inge, just chatting about the betterment of society as a whole and the real impact of nuclear testing facilities on our nation's rising generation (probably), minding my own business as i slowly crept forward in a line that seemed to be getting longer rather than shorter. at this particular in-n-out, there is an outdoor eating area right by the drive-thru line and it was a nice evening, so there were a few people enjoying their ground beef outside. as i pulled closer to the picnic-table area, inge and i were coming quite close to the singular root of the world's problems as a whole, but i noticed two guys sitting at one of the picnic tables and looking in my direction.
my window was open because i had just ordered my double-double, animal style, and chocolate shake (probably).
"so, what did you order?" the blond called out.
"a double-double, animal style. what about you guys?"
"4 x 4's for us: that's four meats, four cheeses."
"wow, i haven't tried that."
when the next line from the brunet guy started with a "so, do you live around here?" i knew that this conversation might get a little more involved, so i told inge i would talk to her later and pulled the earbud out of my ear. i can't remember much of the rest of the exchange (it was 7 months ago, after all), but it did end in me leaning out my window with a post-it with my number on it.
(an aside: as i pulled forward, eager to get my beef fix, i picked up my phone to call inge back only to realize that she had been on the phone the whole time and thought the whole getting-hit-on-in-the-drive-thru-at-in-n-out was hilarious.)
the brunet called me before i even got out of the in-n-out parking lot, but i was already on the phone with cute guy and this was back in the early days of that, so i didn't answer and in-n-out boy left a message. the next week, i met up with both of the in-n-out boys at a mexican place near where we originally met.
over the last 7 months, communication has been sparse. blond in-n-out boy moved up to seattle (*why* does everyone i know move up there!?), and brunet in-n-out boy moved to azusa, ca.
last week i was back at the in-n-out near my sister eden's, which made me think of the in-n-out boys, so i sent a quick text to both of them. we all caught up, shared news, etc., then brunet in-n-out boy suggested going to see a movie out in pasadena, and since i am *dying* to see beowulf ... we made plans to do so on thursday last week.
which introduces a whole new preposition to this story: up ... he stood me up. yup. i texted him thursday afternoon to find out the details of the show and stuff, which he didn't respond to. then i called him when i left work to see if he just hadn't received my text (which is happening *a lot* lately: so aggravating), and he didn't call back. and i haven't heard from him at all since then. yeah.
so, i guess the most appropriate response to him is also the most simple: i'm out!
(there you go, matti: that's the story of the in-n-out boys.)
monday was my annual physical, which, as my sometimes-employed friend commented, is just something that those of us who have health insurance do. so yeah. i went. (figured i should especially make sure to get in there before my insurance coverage changes in january.)
anyway. i've had this annoying rash on my right-hand fingers since before my mission, so since it's now been more than 6 years that it hasn't gone away of its own accord, i decided it was high-time to bring it to my doctor's attention. he looked at it, asked some questions, looked again, and said he'd give me something stronger than cortisone-10. he wrote the scrip and i was on my way.
down in the lobby there was a pharmacy, and as i breezed past it on the way to my car, i decided i would see what it's like to be like the rest of america and actually just go to the pharmacy located at my doctor's office. so i turned around and walked right in.
when i walked in, there was only one other "customer" there (don't know why i put quotes around that, but i did. live with it.) he was a kinda-scruffy-looking guy, mid- to late-twenties, with a worn-out black t-shirt from some band i'd never heard of, and a tattoo on his right bicep. he was waiting in the general area of the pharmacist window, so i stopped to evaluate the situation. he quickly acknowledged that he had already been helped. so i marched up to the window and gave the pharmacist my prescription. because i hadn't been to that pharmacy before, she needed to collect some information:
"address?"
i gave it to her.
"phone number?"
i gave it to her.
"date of birth?"
i gave it to her.
"date of birth?"
i hesitated ...
as i stood there looking at her, a panic quickly came over me: "i thought i gav--" "didn't i just ans--" i looked to my left, then to my right ... !! ... "have i entered some sort of time warp?!" i scratched my head. i looked up at the pharmacist. i looked down at the paper. but, but there it was: she had just written *down* my date of birth. so why was she asking me *again*? i looked up at her again.
it was then that the pharmacist let out a nervous giggle. oops: she'd asked that question twice.
the other customer piped in at this point, smoothing over the situation with a bit of flirtatious humor, "it's okay, she doesn't look like she's that old."
i turned around; i'd forgotten he was there. i probably looked pretty surprised when i turned around, but then i smiled before i turned back to the pharmacist who had a few more questions for me.
as i waited for my prescription, pharmacy boy made small talk. it was kinda fun, but kinda awkward, neither one of us knowing how long this conversation would last before the prescriptions were filled. he was nice.
after about 10 minutes, the pharmacist had his prescription ready. as he packed up his stuff, he seemed to be hesitating a bit. he walked over to me again to ask one more quick question as he fumbled through his wallet looking for his business card. he finally found it and handed it to me with a smooth, "we should do lunch sometime." to which i responded with an equally smooth, "okay."
as he headed toward the door, he had one final comment: "i'm not normally dressed like such a scruff, just when i ride my bike ..." and right then i noticed that his big leather jacket had a harley logo.
he rides a bike! swoon!
i have recently realized and have to admit that part of the problem is that i am still in love with someone else.
on september 2, my friend becky and i went to the northridge singles ward so becky could make some friends. you see, there was going to be this really fun barbecue party at the bishop's house the coming friday night and i was going to be out of town ... so becky needed to make some friends so she could show up and not feel like a complete schlemiel. after church that sunday, the ward had a break-the-fast potluck, so becky and i, of course, stayed to chow down on what singles term "homemade" (mostly chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and anything else you can store in your freezer until the next potluck). the food wasn't bad.
becky and i stuck around to help clean up and as i carried a stack of dirty dishes into the kitchen, a guy stopped me at the door and was like "hey, i remember you from an activity last Christmas."
"uhh, you do?"
"yeah."
"umm, what's your name?" i asked, a little thrown off.
we exchanged names -- thank goodness he didn't remember mine, if he ever knew it. we got to talking a bit and, since he was in charge of the potluck, we started washing dishes while we chatted. spent about a half hour cleaning and chatting. he grew up around here, he likes hang gliding, he's an accounting student at northridge -- he's graduating this coming spring, so we talked a bit about accounting and a bit about my firm and stuff. once all the dishes were clean, i found becky and we went home.
while i was in utah, becky was amazing! on saturday morning (the day after the barbecue) she called me and was like, "you are going to be so proud of me!"
"why? what did you do ... ?" i was a little nervous.
turns out she got to the barbecue a bit early, before anyone she knew was there, but as soon as she found perfect boy she went over to say hi. after a few minutes of conversation, she said, "oh -- christianna says hi," paying close attention to his response so as to be able to give me a full report.
"really?" he asked, and (as becky describes) his eyes lit up.
yes: i was proud of becky. that sunday at church while i was still out of town, becky approached him again and brought me up again ... and then she got me his phone number!! uhh, yeah. they talked a little about accounting and my firm and he told her to have me call to talk about my firm some more.
so i called him once i got back into town and i just have to interject here that we still haven't talked any more about my firm since that first day i met him. we have talked a few times since then, and talked about many things. and he is just a perfect guy -- seriously. as far as the "list" of things, he is perfect in most everything that is most important to me: active and involved in church, kind, concerned about others, serves others, gets my sense of humor (which is difficult, i know -- no really, i know), loves family, wants a family, wants to be right before God ...
so, why am i not falling head over heels for this kid?
someone once said in reference to me that he just wasn't feeling "it", whatever "it" is ... and i have to say that i might now understand that. because i'm just not feeling "it" with perfect boy. as far as "on paper," there is no reason why this shouldn't work out swimmingly, but there's something missing ...
i've been thinking about it a lot lately: i don't want to lead the kid on, but i also don't want to sign him off and say goodbye too prematurely -- too many people are telling me that sometimes you have to wait for that "click" or whatever, which is something i haven't ever experienced. so i am trying to be patient. but i just don't in any way feel for perfect boy what i feel for cute guy.
maybe i'm only even thinking about him because becky put in a lot of effort for this to happen. maybe.
i really don't want to hurt perfect boy. we've been out a couple times, but i think things are going faster for him than for me. while i was in chicago, he and i talked a couple times on the phone. the last time was thursday night, during which phone call he asked me out for that saturday night. as we were hanging up, he snuck an "i miss you" in there. i had no response to that. in all the time since i have known him, i've only ever seen him maybe once a week, if that, so for me to be out of town for a week really wasn't a big deal. and also, i just don't miss people -- i kinda figure that i'll see people again when i see them, or i'll talk to them when i talk to them, so why dwell on the feeling? sorry. that's me. anyway ... i don't know.
anyone out there good at these kinds of analyses? have the solution to my problem (err, at least to *this* problem)? ;)
