i love seattle!

so i’ve been trying to decide what i thought about my trip to seattle still. it was a fun trip. i had a good time. seattle boy and i are friends. i guess that’s the part to tell, huh? as i blogged previously, we talked on monday before i went up there and he was just different, distanced -- he’d already decided it wasn’t gonna go anywhere. so that frustrated me because i felt like i hadn’t been given a chance. i was hurt and i wasn’t sure i should still go, but i decided i wanted to go anyway. so yeah. and it was fine.

got there late friday and we just hung out for a bit and i got to see his ducks, which was fun. we got french toast at denny’s and then he took me up to where i was staying … which i felt *sooooo* bad because it was so late by the time i got there ... but the girl i was staying with was so kind about it. she even let me have her bed!?! yeah, and *she* took the couch!? i felt so bad ... i mean, i *love* sleeping on the couch, but i don’t think that’s normal ...

anyway, then saturday we went down to seattle and went to pike place, and just walked around a bit. then we went on a ferry ride and then drove down this beautiful, sylvan road ... *sooooo* pretty. i love seattle.

saturday was kinda strange. he was acting kinda like he had to *show* me that he wasn’t interested. so i kinda felt like a little puppy dog that was following him around. but we did have fun, and it was cool to go on the ferry and stuff. i got to see where he works and hang out a little around where he lives.

sunday was so much fun. we went to church with the girl i was staying with up at the university ward. i actually knew a couple of people there, which was fun. and then we hung out at her place for most of the day -- played games and stuff with her roommates and just hung out and talked and stuff. it was nice. and actually it was good for us to go to church up there because he has really just felt so alone in seattle and didn’t know anyone, so he got to meet some singles at church and find out about their fhe and activities and stuff, which is going to be so good for him. he’s a very social person, but it amazes me that he seems to have such a hard time meeting people and going out and doing stuff -- he said that most nights he comes straight home from work and doesn’t do anything.

monday, he couldn’t get out of work. being the new-bie, everyone else had seniority as far as getting the day off and since it was easter weekend, everyone wanted the day off. so he had to work, but it was fine because i went down to uw and got to have lunch with the girl i was staying with and got to see some of my other friends there. i actually *really* liked uw and being back on campus. made me miss being a student. so i decided that i am going to quit my job and go back to school. but, because i don’t really like doing homework or taking tests, i am not going to register for classes, but just attend the ones i want to go to. and then it’s totally no responsibilities at all. i think it’s gonna be great!

but yeah, so then he came in the evening to take me to the airport. the whole ride to the airport i was trying to think of how to say something to him to express that i didn’t like how he treated me on saturday and just let him know that i get it -- i understand that he doesn’t want to date me -- and that it’s okay. but the ride was a lot shorter than i thought it would be and we arrived at the airport before i had said a thing! well, i mean, we had conversation and it was actually really funny -- he is a hoot and a half -- but not what i wanted to talk about. anyway, so then he gives me this big hug at the airport. it was really nice. and i was thinking about just letting it go and not saying anything, but i knew that if nothing was said, i would still just be upset and frustrated and maybe he'd still wonder and think that he needs to make sure i get it through my head that he's not interested -- i knew he wasn’t gonna say anything.

and so of all the things i had wanted to say ... all i could get out was “hey -- we’re okay as just friends, right?” and he looked kinda surprised that i said that, and was like “of course”. and i just said “because i don’t want you to stop talking to me or being my friend because you think i’m in love with you.” and he interjected with a smirk, “well, because you are ...” and i responded in the affirmative and was just like, “well, yeah, but i’m stifling it.” which started another nonsense conversation about how much it costs to stifle and so how much money i owe him for stifling for 34 years ... anyway, and then he was just like, “yeah, no, you crack me up, and i love that.” ... so there’s that.

so here we are. we’ve been having text message battles since i got back. haven’t talked on the phone yet, but i think we’re okay. i think we’ll be fine as friends now.

i have been back and forth about whether or not i think the trip was a good idea because i was really frustrated and hurt with the way that things played out, but i think i’ve decided it was good for me to have gone. if nothing else, (1) he knows that i understand that we are just friends so he doesn’t have to push that on me anymore, and (2) i feel better about things -- i can't really explain that more than to say that i feel better about things.

i’ve been going on some dates recently. not entirely sure that i am all that interested in any of the guys i’ve been out with, but i’m moving on and getting out there. i am trying to not at all be using these other guys to get over seattle boy, because i don’t want to do that to them, and i actually really feel like now i have let go of him ... well, almost there ... but yeah.