not my first time

monday i went to family home evening down in santa monica with my friends, dave and matt. the evening's activity? a dating forum. (pretty timely considering the topic of this month's ensign. so now when mom asks me if i have read the ensign this month, i can tell her that not only have i read it, but i have attended a dating forum in order to finally be cured of this disease called "being single". see? i *am* putting in an effort. ha.)

in theory, the dating forum was a good idea. i mean, it sounds like a great opportunity to get some answers to some questions that we all have. in practice ... mmeh ... it didn't quite turn out. i feel like the "panel" of girls basically spent an hour complaining about all the things the guys do wrong, and the guys in the audience walked away not only feeling bad for all the things they do wrong, but at an even greater loss for what to do in the future.

and the whole thing really chaps my hide. why do we make this so hard? the part that upset me the most was when the girl panelists appeared sincerely offended when one of the guys joked about recommending that girls ask guys out if they want.

i have spent too much time recently trying to convince my girl friends that if they want to go out with a certain guy, they should ask him out. the usual response ("i've never asked a guy out -- can i do that?") just doesn't fly with me. of *course* you can do that!! who is to tell you that you can't?! i mean, really. when was the last time you had to get someone's permission to do what you want to do? we aren't in third grade anymore. if you wanna go out with him -- ask him.

and that's pretty much how i live my life. i've been asking guys out pretty much since the beginning of time. well, since i was 16. (thanks, for the strength of youth manual.) which is the same thing. right?

anyway, and i actually find that guys will hardly ever turn you down. maybe it's just because they are so flattered or impressed that you asked them out. if that's the case: that's okay by me. and yeah, sometimes it seems kinda hard to get up the courage to ask a guy out, or you totally flub the delivery and make a fool of yourself doing it, but c'mon, you make a fool of yourself everyday. why not at least get a date out of it?

so sunday i met a friend of my friends liz and john. he had served his mission with them in poland, currently lives in sacramento, and was down to visit for the weekend. we chatted for a bit at church before sunday school and he seemed nice. after church and back at home, pat (the lady i live with) asked me who the cute guy was (i think she may be trying even harder than my mother to get me married ... as you will see). after explaining that he lives in sacramento, she asked, "aren't you going to sacramento this weekend?"

"yesss ..."

"well, you should call him. you should call liz. you should call liz and tell her what's going on. she'll be so excited. you should call right now. here's the number and the phone!" she is very eager to get me married. (i wonder if it's because she wants me to move out. hmmm. nah, couldn't be that.)

next thing i knew, i was standing in the living room with the phone to my ear saying, "i can't believe i'm doing this ... but would your friend want to hang out or something this weekend." to which liz's response was, "well, i don't know. he's standing right here -- do you want to ask him?" (a chain of events that was completely unforeseen and for which i was completely unprepared. somehow i didn't even imagine that happening. c'mon, christianna.)

and then i was on the phone with him! *!!* bah!

now, as i said, i have asked guys out before. it's not that big of deal and usually goes just fine. unfortunately, i can't say that it *always* goes just fine. because this one did not go "just fine". after stuttering through a "this is christianna ... from church ... remember me?", i followed up with a stellar, "well, i've got this wedding up in sacramento on friday, and so i was thinking that maybe we could meet up and hang out on saturday."

"umm, yeah. that would be fun." he responded. great!

so far, so good. right?

and then, because i usually have some plan or idea of what to do on a date when i ask the guy out, i started in on the next step of asking a guy out: present the planned activity. yep. only problem: didn't have a plan. and not only that, but didn't realize that i didn't have a plan until after i had started talking again. ugh. so what usually comes out as a fun "so i was thinking we could grab a couple boogie boards and hit the beach" or an interesting "there is this really great restaurant out on the pier that i am dying to try" ... came out as "well, uhh ... uhhh ... uhh ...". not kidding.

after spinning my wheels for a period of time that was probably in actuality about 3.2 seconds long but seemed an eternity to be not talking ... i came out with, "uhh ... well, i don't really know what there is to do there ... so ... maybe i can just get your number and we can both think about it and get back in touch in a couple days?" oh, gosh, christianna. really? did you really do that?

yup.

he was kind and agreed, gave me his digits, and promised that we'd "have a great time". thank you.

so yeah. [sigh]. i survived. completely and totally botched it, but i survived. this was not my first time asking a guy out ... and i kinda wanna say it was the worst time ... but we all know that's not true ... (insert stories of mr. thursday here) ...

anyway, as i said, i make a fool of myself everyday -- i really ought to get a date out of it at least sometimes. right?