something spoiled at the grocery store

i freely admit that i am a flirt. because i am.

it's probably been about a year since grocery guy came chasing after me and my car in the ralph's parking lot waving my forgotten kool-aid packets in his hand. he worked at night. and i usually made my ralph's run at night, after work.

so, since then, we'd say hi and have a short exchange at the end of my long day and the beginning of his long night. it was a perfect relationship.

one night i was going to some event with my friend becky and needed to pick up some stuff from the grocery store beforehand, so she came with.

"oh, you'll get to see grocery guy!" i exclaimed.

"there's a grocery guy?" she asked, "what, like a bagger boy?"

"no, he's like the night manager or something. he has pretty eyes. you'll see." i promised.

usually grocery guy hung out near the front of the store by all the cash wraps. he wasn't there when we walked in, and as we wandered around the store looking for strawberries, powdered sugar, and other waffle toppings, i wasn't sure grocery guy was working that night. but as becky and i were heading up to the check-out, my mind was set at ease for i found him -- he was straightening something on the bread aisle. we said quick hellos and, because i get so embarrassed flirting in front of an audience (i.e., becky, in this case), "hello" was the extent of the delightful banter for the evening. :S

back in the car, i asked becky,

"so ... that was grocery guy." (okay, i guess i didn't *ask* anything, i just commented, really. but the question was implied.)

"wait -- who?"

"that one guy, in the bread aisle. that was grocery guy." i said matter-of-factly.

"*that* was him? hmm. i thought you said he was cute."

"i said he has pretty eyes."

"oh."

end of conversation. i think that's the last time i share any of my flirting conquests with becky.

so then, the other night i had to stop by ralph's on my way home from the client's office because our bucket-o-chocolate needed replenishing. and because i was completely mentally exhausted, i called my sister to help me pick out some good stuff for the guys at work. 20 minutes and $15 later, i was walking across the front of the store with my loot -- still on the phone with my sister.

grocery guy was standing at one of the registers.

he saw that i was on the phone, so he just gave a little wave and mouthed a "hello", which i reciprocated, though without the wave because one hand held the phone to my ear and the other secured the sweet sack of goodies. as i continued to walk toward the door, we kinda just smiled at each other since i was obviously otherwise engaged at the moment. and as i was about to pass grocery guy in his cash wrap, he mouthed a "me?", pointing to himself then making the international call-me signal using his thumb and pinky finger held up to his ear.

eeeerch!

at this point i completely forgot what i was saying to my sister on the phone, trying to process this request and, all the while, trying really hard to not (1) drop the grocery sack, scattering chocolate of a near-embarrassing quantity and variety across the tile floor, nor (2) run into any of the myriad of grocery carts scattered at the front of the store (who just leaves those there anyway?).

blink. blink.

somehow i was not ready for this. i mean, i've only known the guy for what, a year -- maybe -- and suddenly he wants to up the ante from just casual flirting and concise conversations to the exchanging of phone numbers??! and *then* what? a phone call? a conversation lasting more than 3½ minutes?? really?? and i suppose that will eventually lead to the moment when we exchange names, huh? and is he someday going to shoot me the double-barrel with a wink? am i gonna have to be the kind of girl that likes that? *am* i the kind of girl that likes that?

umm. i'm definitely not ready for this at all.

"hello? ... uhh, hello-o?" buzzed the girl at the other end of the phone.

guess my sister noticed that i stopped talking mid-sentence, perhaps mid-word.

as i continued my trek across the front of the store, i miserably attempted to play the whole thing off coolly. i smiled and just kept walking toward the door and toward freedom, pretending to be thoroughly enthralled with the conversation i was having on the phone. please don't let my cheeks turn bright red until i'm out of this fluorescent light and in the cool safety of the dim street lights. please, please.

by the time i got to my car, i had collected myself enough to try to finish my conversation with my sister. i think. and as i drove home, pondering the events of the evening, i came to a conclusion: i'm not sure i can late-night-grocery-shop anymore. there is just all too much pressure on the relationship now, says the commitment-phobic californian. i think i might have to become a daytime shopper now. maybe do grocery shopping during my lunch break. or i could use my vacation days to restock the pantry. or i could just stop grocery shopping altogether and alter my diet to consist of solely those items that can be found at the circle-k. i know they have guava rockstar at the circle-k. what about beef? and chocolate??