on september 2, my friend becky and i went to the northridge singles ward so becky could make some friends. you see, there was going to be this really fun barbecue party at the bishop's house the coming friday night and i was going to be out of town ... so becky needed to make some friends so she could show up and not feel like a complete schlemiel. after church that sunday, the ward had a break-the-fast potluck, so becky and i, of course, stayed to chow down on what singles term "homemade" (mostly chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and anything else you can store in your freezer until the next potluck). the food wasn't bad.
becky and i stuck around to help clean up and as i carried a stack of dirty dishes into the kitchen, a guy stopped me at the door and was like "hey, i remember you from an activity last Christmas."
"uhh, you do?"
"yeah."
"umm, what's your name?" i asked, a little thrown off.
we exchanged names -- thank goodness he didn't remember mine, if he ever knew it. we got to talking a bit and, since he was in charge of the potluck, we started washing dishes while we chatted. spent about a half hour cleaning and chatting. he grew up around here, he likes hang gliding, he's an accounting student at northridge -- he's graduating this coming spring, so we talked a bit about accounting and a bit about my firm and stuff. once all the dishes were clean, i found becky and we went home.
while i was in utah, becky was amazing! on saturday morning (the day after the barbecue) she called me and was like, "you are going to be so proud of me!"
"why? what did you do ... ?" i was a little nervous.
turns out she got to the barbecue a bit early, before anyone she knew was there, but as soon as she found perfect boy she went over to say hi. after a few minutes of conversation, she said, "oh -- christianna says hi," paying close attention to his response so as to be able to give me a full report.
"really?" he asked, and (as becky describes) his eyes lit up.
yes: i was proud of becky. that sunday at church while i was still out of town, becky approached him again and brought me up again ... and then she got me his phone number!! uhh, yeah. they talked a little about accounting and my firm and he told her to have me call to talk about my firm some more.
so i called him once i got back into town and i just have to interject here that we still haven't talked any more about my firm since that first day i met him. we have talked a few times since then, and talked about many things. and he is just a perfect guy -- seriously. as far as the "list" of things, he is perfect in most everything that is most important to me: active and involved in church, kind, concerned about others, serves others, gets my sense of humor (which is difficult, i know -- no really, i know), loves family, wants a family, wants to be right before God ...
so, why am i not falling head over heels for this kid?
someone once said in reference to me that he just wasn't feeling "it", whatever "it" is ... and i have to say that i might now understand that. because i'm just not feeling "it" with perfect boy. as far as "on paper," there is no reason why this shouldn't work out swimmingly, but there's something missing ...
i've been thinking about it a lot lately: i don't want to lead the kid on, but i also don't want to sign him off and say goodbye too prematurely -- too many people are telling me that sometimes you have to wait for that "click" or whatever, which is something i haven't ever experienced. so i am trying to be patient. but i just don't in any way feel for perfect boy what i feel for cute guy.
maybe i'm only even thinking about him because becky put in a lot of effort for this to happen. maybe.
i really don't want to hurt perfect boy. we've been out a couple times, but i think things are going faster for him than for me. while i was in chicago, he and i talked a couple times on the phone. the last time was thursday night, during which phone call he asked me out for that saturday night. as we were hanging up, he snuck an "i miss you" in there. i had no response to that. in all the time since i have known him, i've only ever seen him maybe once a week, if that, so for me to be out of town for a week really wasn't a big deal. and also, i just don't miss people -- i kinda figure that i'll see people again when i see them, or i'll talk to them when i talk to them, so why dwell on the feeling? sorry. that's me. anyway ... i don't know.
anyone out there good at these kinds of analyses? have the solution to my problem (err, at least to *this* problem)? ;)
7 comments:
No need to "try to be patient". Just go with the flow and don't worry about it. Let this guy become your best friend if that is what you are really looking for. True love develops over time, and does not start out the same way that typical "crushes" do.
Being married myself I can say that that giddy feeling dies anyways (what I would asume you are refering to when you say giddy). The lasting stuff is your connections in common interests, similar desires and dreams, and experiences together forged over TIME. Then again John Bytheway says that that giddy feeling is the only reason people do marry. If they had full use of their logic when it came to saying "I DO" there is no way anyone THINKING about it to hard would do it. So, the point? Follow your heart (not your head) and have fun.
Well, you could just commit to spend the rest of eternity with him and hope that it's a fun ride. That's if you're convinced that spending today until the rest of eternity with *anyone* is better than waiting a long time for *it*. Otherwise, don't bother. If you just want to be married, do it. There are worse reasons to get married. But there are better ones, too, I think.
i am looking for a best friend, and i want the "giddy" feeling. i understand that it fades -- but if i'm not going to feel it at the beginning, is it likely i will ever feel it?
I believe you can have both. The giddy feeling doesn't have to come at the beginning of the relationship. Sometimes the friendship comes first and if the friendship is properly nurtured, the romance will come if it is the right guy.
This way at least your relationship has a more solid foundation to start from.
is that how it happened for you?
I know this is kind of a late comment on this post, and you don't have to publish this, but.... I was just thinking that in your experience as RS Pres, didn't you grow to love the girls in the ward? I know when I was first called as Sec'y I was totally stymied by the "requirement" to love the sisters because I TOTALLY am not that kind of a person who can just love someone else on command. Mostly it happened by serving them and telling myself/them that I love them. I'm not saying you have to be in love with him or anyone, but think about what it takes to miss or love someone. To let someone be important enough to you that you think about them often and notice when they're away. Maybe moving around so much growing up kept you from feeling attachment, but relax about it and let yourself care more about people. There's nothing like letting yourself trust someone so much that you depend on them and want to be with them because they make you happy or better or feel important.
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