what do i want?

i read something interesting this morning that has made me think a lot. it was the story of a woman who found exactly what she wanted, what fit her perfectly, and the description of that long and difficult journey.

so with all the thinking that was inspired, i've been questioning what it is exactly that i want. i threw out my "list" years ago. my stake president counseled that we should look for two things: (1) a man/woman of God, and (2) someone that can be your best friend. so i crossed everything else off.

because, like the author of the story i read, i want to find the person that fits me. and within these two characteristics lies what i really want.

i also want to be the perfect fit for him.

my brother made a comment to me a couple months ago. he got engaged to a really great girl in 2005, but the engagement was soon called off and he had a difficult time understanding how he could love someone so much and yet it wasn't right, it wasn't the right fit. his good friend said something that only a good friend can get away with saying, "she was perfect for you, but you weren't perfect for her."

at the time that my brother shared this with me, i was conflicted. i have a very good friend that i care for very much and want very much for him to be happy. we dated for a little while when we first met, and then we stopped dating and were just friends -- he was interested in someone else -- we became good friends.

dealing with the ups and downs of life, our relationship was constantly being redefined, but he never felt for me the way he felt for this other person. he always wanted her. i knew that. and no matter how much i thought he was perfect for me, i wasn't perfect for him.

and that's okay.

i still love and respect him very much and pray for him and the girl he loves. they make each other happy, which gives me hope because *that* is something that i want to find someday.

just as i don't want to settle, i don't want to make another settle for less than delirious happiness with a best friend who is a man/woman of God.