on the road again

i caved. i'm going down to huntington beach tomorrow night. i keep saying that i don't want to be the only one driving -- he's come up here once. once. and i've been down there ... well, i already calculated the miles and hours i've spent driving down there. anyway, yeah. but i'm going down there again tomorrow night. maybe i shouldn't?

seattle boy says that i need to think about what his actions are saying about him. what do they *mean*? well ... i think they mean he doesn't like driving. but cute guy has already said that. now, i don't *love* driving, but i don't mind it. i actually kind of enjoy the time to just think and listen to music or whatever.

i bought the scriptures on cd a couple years ago when i was teaching accounting at the satellite campus of my university, which was about a 45-minute drive away. i actually ended up not listening to them on that drive because i got a carpool thing going. but, i just found them again, so maybe i should stick them in my car again ... hmmm ... anyway: tangent!

so yeah. things with cute guy have kinda cooled off recently. i think. i dunno. i've had a really weird emotional week. and i say "weird emotional" because i am not generally a very emotional person -- pretty even-keeled, actually -- so anything "emotional" is weird by default. but i've been thinking a lot -- a handful of things going on. so, conversations with cute guy have been different lately. i don't know the reason -- if it's because of all that's going on in my life, what's going on in his life (he's had some stressful work-stuff recently), or if things are winding to a close. maybe the sun is setting on this spring fling ... ? (ha! do you love the imagery?)

i have to admit that one of the things i have been thinking about is not seeing cute guy anymore. (i think i mentioned that in my last post about him.) which can definitely affect the conversation dynamic -- the whole relationship dynamic. i really like the kid. i think he's fun, i am attracted to him, i enjoy talking to him, i enjoy kissing him ... i don't think i'll marry him. there are some fundamental differences of opinion/lifestyle that preclude a serious future. unless one or both of us changes, and it's not good to go into a relationship wanting to change the other person.

we've talked this week i think everyday; that's kinda the norm. but conversations have been shorter -- only about an hour instead of the 2 or 3 that it's been.

oh -- last night: the funniest thing! so i was really tired when talking to him, and tiredness brings on randomness from me.

so i was laying on the couch in the living room and asked, "so, what are your ceilings like?" -- i was staring at my ceilings, so it wasn't entirely random.
he asked me to repeat: "what are your ceilings like?"
he paused. kinda quiet.
i admit, that's a strange question. so i tried to help with the words, if he was searching for words, "are they popcorn, textured, smooth ... ?"
he was still a little quiet, and then, "oh! ceilings? did you say 'ceilings'?"
i said, "yeah ..."
he started laughing. "i thought you said 'feelings'!! i thought i'd have to make up some excuse to get off the phone! ha ha ha ..."

great -- i scare the kid that we're gonna have a "relationship talk". ha ha. that was funny.

maybe i should have let him just go with it ... coulda learned something.

anyway, not sure how things are gonna be tomorrow night. not sure what we are gonna be doing, actually. maybe i should get online and see what kind of stuff we could do down there this weekend. instead of the standard dinner and a movie.