losing a friend

so i found out why seattle boy hasn't been talking to me very much recently.

well, this has been an interesting week/weekend for me. my sister shared some kinda hard news with me, which threw me into a lot of self-analysis and just trying to figure things out. been thinking a lot about things ... cute guy, being one of them. and also wondering if it is time to move again and start afresh again. i got my car registration renewal notice in the mail -- which means that i have almost been here for a year now! wow. funny how sometimes something just kinda shakes you to analyze everything in your life ... all the where-am-i-going, what-am-i-doing, and why questions ...

anyway, so i briefly brought that up in an email to seattle boy, but told him i didn't really want to discuss it via email. he said we could talk about it sometime, then.

so he called me on friday night. that was nice. i wanted him to call, but really didn't think he would. he has been pretty incommunicado recently. i figured it was partly the being busy at work, but i also thought it had something to do with seattle girl. so yeah. after he called and asked what was going on with me and we talked a lot about it all -- he really is a good friend -- i asked him about how he was, said it had been a long time since we'd talked.

he apologized for that; and then he explained. evidently seattle girl doesn't like him talking to me. it bothers her that he is even still friends with me since we dated and stuff. she knew that he and i would talk and hang out some for a while. but he said that he hasn't told her that he still talks to me at all now. (now, *i* think there's something wrong with that. i mean, why hide it?) i don't think there is anything wrong with him talking to me. we are friends.

i was surprised when he told me that. because i really didn't (and don't) see anything wrong with us being friends and talking on the phone. there's never anything inappropriate about our conversations. we talk about what's going on in life for both of us -- we talk about cute guy, about seattle girl, about his house-buying adventures, about my boring work, about his getting deployed to active duty, about my failing my cpa test ...

because she doesn't like it and he wants her to be happy, he decided that it's better for us to not talk. i respect that.

he told me that i am the only girl that he even talks to at all.

made me kinda sad for him.

and now he won't talk to me either. i'm losing a good friend.