the worth of time

cut off

i haven't been able to check my email for almost 24 hours now because they are upgrading the servers or something. i know it's saturday. but this is killing me.

mission: accomplished

i just realized that i have gravely forgotten to make a very special announcement. as you will note, this news is long overdue. and i apologize to all who have been negatively impacted by my gross oversight. those closest to the subject were informed immediately, but i feel the need to give public recognition for this awe-inspiring achievement.

let it be known to all who are connected through this vast world wide interweb, that on saturday, july 22, 2010, my manager mark finally fulfilled his dream of becoming #3 on my google favourites.

it was at times a difficult, yea even arduous, battle that required his constant time and attention. and my patience. many long hours were spent reading accounting literature out loud, pontificating on remote accounting principles, and stretching out the smallest of insignificant small talk. with brazen disregard for phone call etiquette and cunning creativity mark persevered in finding reasons to call multiple times daily, from the wee hours of the morning to long after what should be bed time. yet, despite his travail, at times i was unsure that his focused effort would pay off.

but triumph was destined to be his.

congratulations, my friend: you have done well.

sunshine

my manager mark calls me sunshine, y'know, as in, "good morning, sunshine!". it's his way of reminding me that he has already battled an hour and a half of traffic and is in the office long before i even hit snooze on my alarm clock.

as a special treat, every once in a while, he will sing "you are my sunshine" to me. he usually loses the words somewhere in the middle of the first verse though, so today he put in the effort to google the full lyrics.

and because we used to sing that song about my brother when we were all kids, i knew most of the words ... until it took a sharp southward turn at louisiana. did anyone else know this song was about crawfish gumbo and jambalaya?

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away

the other nite, dear,
as i lay sleeping
i dreamed i held you in my arms.
when i awoke, dear,
i was mistaken
and i hung my head and cried.

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.

i'll always love you
and make you happy
if you will only say the same
but if you leave me
to love another
you'll regret it all some day;

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.

you told me once, dear
you really loved me
and no one else could come between
but now you've left me
and love another
you have shattered all my dreams;

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.

louisiana my louisiana
the place where i was borne.
white fields of cotton -- green fields of clover,
the best fishing
and long tall corn;

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.

crawfish gumbo and jambalaya
the biggest shrimp and sugar cane,
the finest oysters
and sweet strawberries
from toledo bend to new orleans;

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy
when skies are grey.
you'll never know, dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.

c.r.i.m.e.a.i.d.

i just got this memo from our office building management.

of all the things to steal ... the back seat of the car?

no problem

it is possible that i have been chatting / texting too much recently. one of my co-workers just said "thank you" to me and my reply was, "np".

yes, i said the letters.

fruits of my labors

this is what i have been doing:

RLOC

and this:

424(b) Prospectus

at 3:30 this morning, i became a free woman.

... for the time being, anyway.

carpe diem

today:

• i got to work before 9am.

• i wore a skirt *and* did my hair.

• i bought a gym membership from costco.

• i branched out and bought a chocolate chip frappuccino with peppermint for happy hour half-price frappuccinos week -- not as good as my regular mocha non-coffee frap.

• i tried bayer (aka "the wonder drug") for my back pain -- verdict: works better than tylenol (and since i'm not donating blood until saturday, i'm okay to take it).

• my co-worker got called "laura webb-ensen" for not taking a lunch break.

• i learned how to fed-ex at work.

• i hand wrote out 42 percentage calculations on one sheet of paper.

• i locked myself out of my office after everyone had already gone home, and then spent an hour and a half chilling with the security team waiting for the admin to come back and let me in, rather than pay a $300-fee to have them open the door for me.

big day.

arb

for those of you that don't want to read a bra story ... stop reading. for everyone else ... i can only say that it has been a long day / week / month / year ... [sigh]

about 2 hours ago, i took a break at work to run to the restroom. as i dried my hands, i did the once over in the mirror and realized that i could read the size and fabric composition print on my bra through the back of my shirt. heh. funny i never noticed that about this shirt before.

i got back to my desk and commented to my co-worker that it's a good thing i was wearing my sweater most of the day.

when i got home a half hour ago, i changed into pajamas and realized what was wrong: my bra was inside out.

[shakes head]

moving up the ranks

i told my manager mark that he was now my #4 favourite, according to google. one month ago, he was #6.

he is now determined to become #3.

he'll have to beat out my mother for that spot.

pretty sure i'd have to seriously evaluate my life if that happened. maybe quit my job.

assault on the streets of l.a.

i had a meeting in l.a. about fas 157, fair value measurements (or whatever the new codification number is -- why do they have to renumber stuff??). my manager mark was the instructor, so i was particularly concerned with arriving on time.

training started at 8. i got there at 755. perfect.

after 2 hours of stimulating discussion about all things fair value, mark and i drove back up to the client's office. we drove separately.

the first half of my drive deserves no commentary herein. shortly after i passed white oak on the 101, though, things got interesting.

i had been driving in the next-to-fastest lane, singing along to the radio and enjoying a mid-morning drive. i came up behind a blue suv and because i don't like to be behind anyone, i flipped my left blinker and changed lanes. as i got settled into the fast lane, i saw a car in my rear-view mirror that looked like he had wanted to be right where i was, but he changed his mind and merged the other direction.

i watched as this white car with beige hood and faded black bumper went around a couple cars, crossed in front of the blue suv, and merged into the fast lane right in front of me ... aaaand ... slammed on his brakes.

so i slammed on my brakes.

then he sped up again. dummy.

so, i accelerated again. he was still in front of me. he slammed on his brakes again.

really?

i gave him the universal shoulder-shrug, palms upturned and a mouthed "what?", to which he responded with several arm motions out his window that looked like he was telling a story about a snake and a bunny to 4-year-old. except for that last part -- that last hand gesture was not intended for a 4-year-old.

[eye roll.]

so i signaled to merge to my right. if he wants to be in front, let him. but ... he changed lanes right along with me, slamming the brakes again. so i changed lanes back. again, he was right there with me.

i fell behind a little, trying to get some space between me and the psycho. then i hit my right blinker and gunned it. he mimicked, cutting me off again. and again. at this point i was in the almost far-right lane, and he was in the lane to my left, a little ahead of me. so i let off the gas entirely, slowing to about 40 mph and got behind a big rig. he kept a close distance, to my left and one car length ahead of me.

we drove like that for a few minutes. i tried slowing even more, thinking he might get bored and leave me alone. no luck.

his driver-side window was rolled down and he started waving his phone out the window.

what?? what does that mean?

is he trying to get my number??

this is the *worst* pickup line e-v-e-r.

once again, he waved his phone out the window. i tried to look like i wasn't paying attention.

he slowed down to get right beside me. i didn't look over. in my periphery, i could see that he was trying to get my attention. i didn't give it to him.

he slowed down more and got behind me. he was on his phone now (illegal in california as of 1/1/2009).

we came up next to another big rig, i saw my chance. as soon as i was able, i quickly changed lanes in front of the 52-footer. unfortunately, mr. ugly car also snuck past him.

very annoyed at this point, i couldn't even enjoy the music coming from my radio. my exit was coming up. certainly this dude wouldn't follow me off the freeway, right?

right?

wrong. we reached the bottom of the off-ramp; i turned right. he turned right. he pulled up next to me on the shoulder of the road. he was talking at me and still on his phone. figuring he wouldn't leave me alone until he got whatever it was off his chest, i rolled down my window.

"hello? hi. i just wanted to let you know that i called the police and gave them your license plate number. you were speeding and driving recklessly," he announced. he seemed a little too pleased with himself.

i replied with a simple, "umm, thank you." what else was i supposed to say?

his retort? "you're welcome." and, as i rolled up my window, "you're welcome for a ruined day!!" an inkling of exasperation in his voice.

oh, my heavens. the light turned green, so i hit the gas. he cut off a few people to get right behind me again, still on the phone.

we approached the road to my client's office. i turned right. he followed. there was no way i was going to show him where my car would be all day. so i passed the entrance to my client's parking garage, and pulled up to a red light. great. he pulled up beside me again, yelling again.

"i called the police and you are going to get a ticket for reckless driving and for speeding. you cut me off and then you were driving recklessly!"

because i don't take accusations as well as i could, i replied, "i didn't see you. you were blocking me in the lane and i was trying to get away from you --"

"you didn't see me because you are a woman!! and women never see men, they just run all over them!" he cut me off.

oh. my. goodness.

*what* is this about??

the light turned green, so i put the car in first and pulled forward, he paralleled me. while leaning out the window, one hand on his phone, one on the steering wheel and neither eye on the road, he yelled at me about my reckless driving.

looking for somewhere to shake this guy, i saw another parking garage coming up on the left. with him on my right, i waited almost too long before making a sharp left into the parking garage entrance: no way this guy would pay for parking just to continue harassing me.

when i got to the gate, i quickly pulled a ticket from the machine and the mechanical arm raised. i turned to my right as i put the parking ticket in my purse, put the car in first and looked ahead to pull forward. suddenly mr. ugly car was standing right next to me, leaning into the car, his arm blocking my window from rolling up.

"i just want you to say you were wrong and that you're sorry. say that you're sorry!"

i could have peed my pants right then.

i didn't.

"admit you were wrong! just admit it," he insisted.

... uhhh ... "if you think i did something wrong, then okay, i'll admit it." pretty sure i was shaking. still didn't pee my pants.

he straightened up, held out his hand for a handshake and said, "thank you." he walked back to his car.

too shaken to think clearly, i slowly eased into the parking garage. the mechanical arm of the gate lowered behind me. i didn't even see the guy pull away.

i sat in the parking garage for a few minutes, then proceeded to the exit and drove over to my client's office.

as i entered my client's office, my manager mark lifted his head and commented, "boy, you drive slowly."

uhhh ...

find a penny

if it's in the bathroom at a t.g.i. fridays, though, is it good luck or bad luck?

(p.s. -- i washed it. don't worry.)

google favourites

so, my google phone flags my contacts as favourites based on frequency and length of phone calls. i'm sure there's some fancy algorithm behind the calculations here so, i mean, this must be scientifically accurate information.

here are my top ten "favourites," according to google:

1. cute guy

2. my sister

3. my mom

4. my manager john
   

5. college boy

6. my manager mark
   

eerch!

hold on. what? what did that say? really?

yes, friends, you read that right: two of my managers in my list of favourites.

in the top ten, no less!

my managers are my favourites?! does that mean work is my favourite?!?

i can't go on with the list. this is just too sad.

...

...

i think i am going to go eat some ice cream ...

it's a sad, sad life i lead ...

lasting impressions

chatting with a co-worker tonight, griping about the same old office complaints ...

... i got an unexpected glimpse of the impression i leave on some people:

"i'm starving and talking to you made me think of jerry's."

[nose wriggle]. funny.

...

what do i make *you* think of??

workaholic

i left my client's office at 9 last night only because i had to pee and i have no key card to get back into their office. i went home and worked until 4am.

c'mon, who's jealous?

a mutual error

i was in chicago for work, participating in a team-building activity called "planks" at the time the 2-hour house season premier aired. the activity was kind of an interesting puzzle thing, and i like puzzles, but my team didn't win or get any prizes. *and* i missed house.

i was so annoyed.

so i got home from my trip around midnight on monday this week and turned on the tv to catch up on my house-watching, only to find that direct tv had recorded the episodes but wouldn't replay them! can you believe it? what's the point of recording the show if it can't be replayed? the dvr just sat there "searching for authorized content" for 5 minutes, then asked me if i want to delete the show.

uhh ... no! i don't want to delete the show! i want to *watch* the show! seriously, people.

i answered "no", and tried again. but same thing. and again.

i was even more annoyed than plank night.

but -- what can you do?

[grumble]

so tonight, i watched house online. my first time online. kinda cool set-up: fox.com posts the full episode 8 days after initial air. means i have to wait a week -- but it's not like i have oodles of time to just sit around watching house all day anyway.

the only really annoying thing, i suppose, is that each full episode is sponsored by a single advertiser -- which means that each regularly scheduled commercial break consists of only one commercial -- but it's the *same* commercial every 15 minutes. and you can't skip or fast forward or anything.

in tonight's case, the advertiser was northwestern mutual. life insurance. blah-blah.

on the third time through this riveting juxtaposition between baseball and blah-blah, i noticed something interesting in the commercial: the company can't even spell their own legal name right.

ha ha.

well, in all fairness, their tagline is, "put our strength to work for you." they said nothing about putting their spelling skills to work for you.

okay.

chegou!

finalmente.

:)

recognition

got the following email from a client today, at the end of our 2008 audit:

"Had a good time, too. Next week I'm visiting my proctologist and I'm sure that will bring back fond memories of the 2008 GT audit. LOL"

thanks, dude. it's nice to get a little recognition for a job well-done.

computer expert

every morning, when pat asks me a computer question, this is actually *precisely* what i do.

c'est fini

i've had the phrase "c'est si bon" in my head for days. from the (old) yoplait commercials (they don't use that tag-line anymore, mmeh). so i wanted to write a post and call it that. but ... "c'est si bon" doesn't quite fit. "c'est fini" fits better ... because ...

... i passed all my tests!

c'est fini. it is finished.

i got my last score early on saturday morning and have been floating up in cloud nine eleven fourteen one hundred thirty-six since.

you know what this means? i mean, really. do you know what this means?

1. i get reimbursed for test fees (though, the firm only reimburses one round of tests -- about $1,000)

2. i am eligible to be promoted to manager (in a couple years)

3. my employer will stop asking me for a progress update

4. i get to be a cpa

but ...

most importantly ...

5. i don't have to take any more tests!

c'est fini. and ... *it* *is* *so* *good*!

:)

---

here's the final report, for posterity's sake (need a 75 on each section to pass):