talk nerdy to me

i went to the dentist on monday morning to get a cracked filling replaced. i really don't mind going to the dentist -- i kinda like it, actually. don't know that i can explain why. mmeh.

so, first my dentist had to drill out the old filling. i don't really like the part when he has to needle me with the anesthetic, but that doesn't take long.

after he drilled it out, i asked him if i could look at my drilled-out tooth. he was happy to let me take a gander -- it was really cool! dunno, i just thought it looked cool. i wanted to take a picture, but i did that the last time i got a filling replaced and i didn't want my dentist to think i was one of *those* people. so then i thought about drawing a picture for you, but i'm not a very good drawer. oh, well. you'll just have to take my word for it that it was pretty cool!

so, then he put some new filling stuff in there and shaped it. pronto!

right?

well, the only problem is that it is too big.

well, like when he did the filling, he of course asked me to move my jaws around and see how it felt, but -- i mean -- he's asking me how it feels when i can't feel anything. i mean, wasn't that the point of the anesthetic? so that i *wouldn't* feel anything? so how am i supposed to tell him that it feels weird -- i can't feel it. i couldn't feel anything.

i can feel it now, though ... bah.

oh well. so, now i have a big tooth. which has caused a speech impediment.

i have a lisp.

i have a nerdy lisp.

i have a nerdy lisp because i have a big tooth.

fabulous.

and i don't have time to go get it fixed until the middle of never. so guess this is how i am going to be. hope y'all like it.

apologetic

so, after the beautiful day that was monday, my evil manager again came out to the client's office on tuesday morning. again, he tried to be jovial and congenial, which usually just ends up feeling rather fake.

i think he also had it in his head that he needed to make nice with me. and this is how he does it, this is always how he does it: he almost sings my first name repeatedly, about 17 times in a row. -- his apology is a hand-crafted, uncreative song whose only lyrics are my first name. honestly.

so after the first couple "verses", i kinda smiled at him, hoping that my acknowledgement would let him know that he didn't have to continue.

by the time we got to verse 11, i was trying to think of a witty yet not impolite manner to let him know that he could stop. the only thing coming to mind was, "that's my name, don't wear it out", which was frustrating because i can usually be at least *kind of* witty and creative in my responses ... but "don't wear it out" was the only thing in my big old head. (that, and a polar bear in a blue tutu. hmm.) despite that, i wasn't quite sold on the propriety of such a response. (nor the propriety of such an imposing animal in frilly skirt.)

so i kept thinking but my mouth didn't pay any attention to that and before i knew it, "don't wear it out" had slipped out of my lips ... !!

i was surprised myself that i said it, and i quickly tried to cover for any hints of annoyance that might have escaped my lips along with those words. so i smiled a crooked smile and gave a sideways, slightly amused look to both my evil manager and my other co-worker, who herself could hardly contain her laughter at my response. it was my meager attempt to mitigate this behavioural blunder. ai ai ai.

well, my evil manager's song soon ended. he didn't seem offended or otherwise upset. so maybe it was okay ... ?

i'll let y'all know if i get fired.

why don't they just spell it "pee-on"?

the day started out pretty well, actually. well, kind of. i woke up in a panic at 740 am: my dentist appointment was at 8. crap.

so i rushed to the bathroom. i had spent the night on my sister's couch so that i could go to the dentist early (my dentist is up near her house) and then i would get to work about the same time i normally do, but with a numb cheek. as i hurried down the hall with my shower things in hand, my 2-year-old nephew was just coming out of his room and headed into his parents' room to wake them up ... but he saw me instead! so, since i am way more fun that either his mom or dad (uh huh), he followed me into the bathroom.

great. hmmm.

well, i tried to think of what part of my morning routine i could do in there with him present ... brush teeth, we can brush teeth. so we brushed teeth. after 3 minutes brushing mine (and following his instructions: "paste", "water", "brush brush", "spit", "dry") and a couple more minutes trying to get him to follow the same steps, we were done brushing teeth. and i had 5 fewer minutes to get the rest of me ready for the day. but the boy wasn't done hanging out with his favourite aunt and he really wasn't done playing with the sink ...

so ... well ... hmm ... don't tell his mom or dad, but ... i used the potty. had to. like really. and the kid wasn't leaving. he didn't seem to mind, anyway: he was actually pretty encouraging.

after doing my business, i got a very enthusiastic "you did it!" from the short person.

yes, he's been potty-training, and it's always very exciting when he does his business. so ... there you go. i deserved a "you did it!" and i got a "you did it!"

after his vote of confidence in my ability to accomplish anything i set my mind to, this day had to be great. so, let's review the rest of the day:

• 8:00 am -- went to the dentist to get a filling replaced.

• 8:40 am -- got stuck in traffic on i-5, i-405, and us-101. yes, traffic on all three.

• 9:30 am -- arrived at my client's office only to find that my evil manager had decided to unexpectedly show up to "put a fire under us" or some other over-used and completely inaccurate cliché because we get so much less done when the manager is there.

• 12:00 pm -- left for lunch after putting up with my evil manager's attempts to be jovial all morning. the good thing was that my evil manager had to leave for a meeting and would not come to lunch with us, nor would he be at the client site for the rest of the day.

• 12:05 pm -- waited in the hall while my evil manager chewed out my senior for "not identifying issues with revenue sooner". issues, i might add, that could not have been identified until we performed our testing, so they wash out when they wash out.

• 12:15 pm -- ate lunch at islands without my evil manager and discussed politely the occurrences of the morning. and when i say "discussed politely", i don't mean politely. or kindly. or even objectively.

• 1:30 pm -- went back the client's office and pleasantly confirmed that the my evil manager really had left for the day.

• 3:30 pm -- my senior left to drive down to irvine for a meeting.

• 4:00 pm -- one other co-worker left to go to a graduation, leaving only me and the intern at the client's office.

• 4:30 pm -- the phone rang. it was my evil manager. that morning, he had requested that i send him the spreadsheet i was working on. having had some time to look at it, he wanted to talk about everything that i have done wrong concerning revenue. for the next hour and a half, he criticized my work and quizzed me on regulation and contract terms & conditions.

• 6:00 pm -- hung up and had to take a walk.

• 6:10 pm -- came back and the client informed me that my evil manager called back and requested that i return his call. guess he thought of something else i did wrong.

• 6:15 pm -- called my evil manager. he made a handful of suggestions of what else to include on my spreadsheet -- all of which were already incorporated into my spreadsheet. then he thanked me for all my work. but it was too late. the damage was already done. already done, i tell you. don't think even a "you did it!" could have helped at this point.

• 6:30 pm -- got back to work.

• 7:30 pm -- packed up to go home.

• 8:00 pm -- practiced my harp, whined to the lady i live with, and started some laundry.

• 9:30 pm -- got a phone call from my senior because he had spoken to my evil manager and wanted to make sure i was okay.

• 10:00 pm -- sat down on the couch, surrounded by revenue contracts and invoices. think i fell asleep sometime around 11:30, dunno. but i did wake up around 4:30 to get started on yet another (i'm sure) fabulous day ... i thought busy season was over ... guess i was wrong ...

anyway. this day will not be included in my "top 10 days of my life" list, despite its shining beginning. my nephew may think i am amazing, but the rest of the world treats me as a peon (at least on this day).

according to wikipedia, "in the english-speaking world in general, the term peon is used colloquially to mean a person with little authority, often assigned unskilled or drudgerous tasks; an underling. in this sense, peon can be used in either a derogatory or self-effacing context."

i still say they should spell it "pee-on". that's certainly how i felt.

a moment in time

were any of you awake this morning at 1:23:45 6/7/8? i just realized that i was. kind of cool, don't ya think?

the scandalous skateboard story

... as promised ...

growing up in a family with six kids, i think my parents put in extra effort to help each of us find something within us that made us unique. at least that's what i tell myself when i try to find a reason why my mom gave me a skateboard when i was 7, because i can state with all confidence that i did not ask her for it.

my skateboard was red with blue wheels. and i liked it. i rode that thing a lot. like, a lot, a lot. the last time i saw it, the paint was chipping off and the wood was splitting. the blue wheels were pretty worn. i don't think we have it anymore. but it might be somewhere in my parents' garage: they liked to have it around come moving day -- it not only served as a distraction for those always underfoot, but on moving day it made a pretty decent dolly for my dad's overstuffed filing cabinet.

i was a nervous kid even back then, so i didn't generally have the courage to ride my skateboard standing. (sorry guys, i *am* a girl.) so usually i rode my skateboard on my knee, using the other foot to paddle myself down the sidewalk. and that's what i did. and that's what i loved. back and forth, up and down my street, day after day.

one day, not unlike many others during that era, i was out in front of the house riding my skateboard back and forth, up and down the street. my sister wanted to play soccer in the front yard. but i didn't care, i was skateboarding. (it's my story: i can call my lily-livered one-knee paddling "skateboarding" if i want.)

to set up the "soccer field" in our front yard, my sister dragged the garden hose across the lawn to mark off the half-way line. why she even needed a half-way line marked off when she was playing soccer by herself, i'm still not sure i really understand. oh, well.

so, my sister stretched the garden hose all the way across the lawn. and then across the sidewalk. which interrupted my skateboarding. this frustrated me. to say the least. i thought the world should revolve around me -- and in select moments, around my skateboard, too. (not only was i a nervous child, but i somehow managed to be a spoiled child -- even being the second of six kids. figure that out.)

so i moved the hose, picked up my skateboard, walked back over to the end of the sidewalk and quickly got back to my skateboarding. to ease my frustrations. i was very frustrated. i needed to skateboard. so as i came back down the sidewalk trying to lose my cares in my skateboarding, the wind blowing through my hair as i picked up speed, i was completely oblivious to the fact that my sister pulled the hose back across the sidewalk -- she needed to mark off the middle of her soccer field, you know.

and i didn't see it until it was too late, at which point my face was already heading straight for the sidewalk.

i don't remember much of what happened after that. i remember crying. i remember it hurt. i remember that recovery was long and slow. i remember going to the dentist. i remember losing a tooth.

and that, friends, is the scandalous skateboard story. hope you didn't miss anything good on tv in order to read it.

i am a computer nerd

my firm is rolling out a new audit software sometime this summer, which is going to involve a lot of trainings and even more headaches for me and my co-workers. all, so that we can more efficiently perform our auditing work. fun, no?

well, in conjunction with the new audit software that will change so much about what we do each day and probably change very little about what we do each day, the firm has developed a new version of the trial balance software we use. which will mean ... yes, you guessed it ... more trainings ... and more headaches ... (for all you non-accounting nerds out there, "trial balance" is an accounting term that you don't really need to worry about, it's probably unimportant anyway.)

so with all the discussion of trainings and headaches, my local office is left to determine exactly who will the instructors responsible for conducting such trainings. and giving such headaches.

so i got a phone call this morning from the training coordinator, who said, and i quote, "well, we intended to have a senior become the software champion, do the trainings, and be the primary resource. but when i was talking to someone about it yesterday, they responded and said that you are the one to talk to."

... so ... it will be *me*!! yesss! *i* get to give the headaches!! mwa-ha-ha-ha! err -- i mean, trainings -- i get to give the trainings! i get to be the trial balance software champion! i get to be the primary resource! wahoo!

i'll have help for the trainings. these two:

yeah, from what i understand, the 3-day trainings are going to be an interactive animated presentation mostly about the new auditing software with a "chapter" about the trial balance software. but i'm pretty sure i get to be the star of that show. and then later on i will get to do a training solely on the trial balance software. sounds like a good time, né? let me know if y'all want to be there; i'll see what i can do. oh, i can hardly wait.

because ...

... i am a computer nerd. i am the one in my office that knows how to do computer-y stuff. i am the one that answers everyone's computer questions. i am the one that figures out how the software works and explains it to co-workers.

but i may be the worst kind of computer nerd, because not only do i like to learn new computer-y stuff ... i really like to then teach that stuff to other people, too. even when they don't really want to know. perhaps especially then. and especially the really computer-nerdy stuff.