long time no see

friday was our so-cal annual employee meeting. so everyone from the so-cal practice headed down to long beach for some powerpoint presentations, some awards and recognitions ... and some cocktails. i think the mormons were the designated carpool drivers.

since i'd be down in that area for work anyway, cute guy and i "did lunch". at mcdonald's. i love mcdonald's. mmm. once i finally got down there -- gotta love l.a. traffic -- we only had about 45 minutes before i had to head out for my meeting. so it was a quick lunch. but it was good to see him. he was stressed out about work and i was stressed out about getting up to my meeting on time, so it wasn't really the most enjoyable time i've ever spent with him ... but yeah.

i hadn't seen him since july 1. we had made plans a couple times, but yeah, it had been a while.

i decided the last time i was down in huntington that it was probably best if i didn't continue to go down there every weekend. so ... the weekend of july 7, i went surfing, i donated platelets, and i spent the evening with my sister and her husband. the next weekend, july 14, i actually tried to convince cute guy to come up to santa monica to meet me at an activity i was going to there. he bemoaned the drive up, so i offered to go down and get him -- then i realized that it would mean about 5 hours of driving for me to do that -- so i just told him not to worry about it. let's see, the next weekend, my youngest sister was in town, so we hung out here in the valley, went shopping at h&m (the only reason i ever set foot in the mall), spent some time at universal city walk, and hung out with my older sister and family. umm, last weekend was donating blood again, a doctor appointment, and a co-worker's party. so ... that brings us to this weekend. i want to see him, but i still kinda think i shouldn't head down to huntington.

i've made that comment to a few friends recently, who all ask why. i guess the most pertinent of reasons is that i really don't feel like this relationship can go anywhere -- or rather, it can't go where i want it to and how i want it to. yes, relationships require negotiating and compromising, but -- without going into too much unnecessary detail -- neither party should have to give up long-term goals for short-term wants.

cute guy is a really good guy. he treats me really well. he opens doors. he treats for dinner. he is funny and fun to hang out with. i enjoy his company. i love talking to him and just hanging out ... i told a friend of mine the other day that if i didn't have certain beliefs and standards, i would be head-over-heels in love with the boy.

i don't want to break up with someone that i still really like. but what if that's what is right?