long time no see

friday was our so-cal annual employee meeting. so everyone from the so-cal practice headed down to long beach for some powerpoint presentations, some awards and recognitions ... and some cocktails. i think the mormons were the designated carpool drivers.

since i'd be down in that area for work anyway, cute guy and i "did lunch". at mcdonald's. i love mcdonald's. mmm. once i finally got down there -- gotta love l.a. traffic -- we only had about 45 minutes before i had to head out for my meeting. so it was a quick lunch. but it was good to see him. he was stressed out about work and i was stressed out about getting up to my meeting on time, so it wasn't really the most enjoyable time i've ever spent with him ... but yeah.

i hadn't seen him since july 1. we had made plans a couple times, but yeah, it had been a while.

i decided the last time i was down in huntington that it was probably best if i didn't continue to go down there every weekend. so ... the weekend of july 7, i went surfing, i donated platelets, and i spent the evening with my sister and her husband. the next weekend, july 14, i actually tried to convince cute guy to come up to santa monica to meet me at an activity i was going to there. he bemoaned the drive up, so i offered to go down and get him -- then i realized that it would mean about 5 hours of driving for me to do that -- so i just told him not to worry about it. let's see, the next weekend, my youngest sister was in town, so we hung out here in the valley, went shopping at h&m (the only reason i ever set foot in the mall), spent some time at universal city walk, and hung out with my older sister and family. umm, last weekend was donating blood again, a doctor appointment, and a co-worker's party. so ... that brings us to this weekend. i want to see him, but i still kinda think i shouldn't head down to huntington.

i've made that comment to a few friends recently, who all ask why. i guess the most pertinent of reasons is that i really don't feel like this relationship can go anywhere -- or rather, it can't go where i want it to and how i want it to. yes, relationships require negotiating and compromising, but -- without going into too much unnecessary detail -- neither party should have to give up long-term goals for short-term wants.

cute guy is a really good guy. he treats me really well. he opens doors. he treats for dinner. he is funny and fun to hang out with. i enjoy his company. i love talking to him and just hanging out ... i told a friend of mine the other day that if i didn't have certain beliefs and standards, i would be head-over-heels in love with the boy.

i don't want to break up with someone that i still really like. but what if that's what is right?

surf's up!

my friend jenn is teaching me to surf!! yay!

a few weeks ago, we met up at my house at 830 in the morning and headed out to ventura beach. i can't believe how much cooler it is out at the beach than here at my house! anyway, it's about a 1/2 hour or 45 minutes up the 101. we got there, parked the car and unloaded the boards. there were lots of surfers already there and more arriving throughout the morning.

jenn has been surfing for about 6 years and was so excited to have me come with her. after squeezing into our wet suits, we made our way down to the beach with the boards. jenn let me borrow both a suit and a board.

i had such a good time!! i love swimming and anything in the water. i have been wanting to learn to surf for years now -- and now that i'm in la ... being out on the board was so much fun! i caught a couple waves, but couldn't pull myself up to my feet. i got to my knees a couple times, but just haven't figured out the feet thing yet. next time ... it was so much fun anyway. and i'm getting really good at turle-diving. :)

oh -- gotta take the standard surfing pic ... please excuse the white legs ...

take me home tonight

byu 11th ward -- fhe group videos -- winter 2006

christmas in july

all i want for christmas is my two front teeth ...

in third grade i was playing on the monkey bars one day -- you know that one thing where you put one knee over the bar and then lean forward and spin all the way down and back up kinda like the swinging pirate ship ride at disneyland. i was about as coordinated back then as i am now ... so that day i came up a little short, i guess and hit my face on the bar. (to this day, i can't really figure out how i did that.) i broke my front tooth.

i was lucky that day, though: the school had been having construction of some sort going on and i had a crush on one of the construction guys -- tall, lanky, with curly blonde kinda-long hair (to this day, i also can't figure out how i still remember that). he was my rescuer. he came over and scooped me up then carried me to the nurse's office. it would have been so great ... but i was super embarrassed that *this* was my first interaction with (evidently) the love of my life. wow, was i a serious child!

tangent: the nurse's response when she saw my tooth: "oh, you're mom's not going to be happy about this!" who says that to a child?

anyway, i went to the dentist that day and got my tooth fixed.

fast forward some 20 years ...

i guess some dental work just doesn't last forever. by this time, my "filling" or whatever you call it had changed shape and color. the bottom edge of the filling wasn't even with my tooth. i don't think people noticed -- can you see it in this picture? (at right) --but *i* knew it was there and wasn't perfect. it was yucky.

my dentist offered to fix it. said he could even probably run it through my insurance. and so ... why not? *and* since he would be replacing the filling and matching the new filling to the color of my tooth, it was a perfect chance to whiten my teeth, too! yay!

in total, it took him about 45 minutes to grind off the old filling and put the new one on. and i am quite happy with it. i'm still pretty sure that noone even notices my teeth and the fact that they are all pretty evenly-colored and nicely shaped now. but *i* notice. so there's that ... right?

now, look at that nice set of teeth ... merry christmas!

need to catch up

okay, just for the record, i have started like 4 new posts over the last couple weeks, but i can't post them yet because i haven't yet downloaded the pictures from my camera that go with them. so ... there's my excuse. this one is pretty lame, too. but there you go ...

better than me - hinder

i think you can do much better than me
after all the lies that i made you believe
guilt kicks in and i start to see
the edge of the bed
where your nightgown used to be

i told myself i won't miss you
but i remember
what it feels like beside you

[chorus:]
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
you deserve much better than me

while looking through your old box of notes
i found those pictures i took
that you were looking for
if there's one memory i don't want to lose
that time at the mall
you and me in the dressing room

i told myself i won't miss you
but i remember
what it feels like beside you

[chorus:]
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
you deserve much better than me

the bed i'm lying in is getting colder
wish i never would've said it's over
and i can't pretend...
i won't think about you when i'm older
'cause we never really had our closure
this can't be the end

[chorus:]
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
you deserve much better than me

[chorus:]
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
you deserve much better than me

(and i think you should know this)
(you deserve much better than me)

naptime ... i mean, lunchtime

so work is actually pretty nice when i don't have an engagement ...... and if my friends are also unassigned, we all get to enjoy a loverly nap -- err, i mean, *lunch* in the park. :)

that was fun. kinda makes me wish i didn't have a client right now ... i could use a nap ... for reals ...

boys are mean. and confusing.

the guy from the airplane ride texted me on saturday:

airplane boy: so when are we going on a hot date?

we can be friends, but i'm not really interested in going on a date with him, "hot" or otherwise. i was at my sister's house at the time of the texting and her husband likes to give me guy advice.

"tell him you're not interested. unless you are interested ..." he advised.

"no, i'm not. i don't want to go out with him," i replied matter-of-factly.

"then tell him you're not interested."

"but can i do that in a text?" i asked.

he retorted, "he asked you out in a text."

true.

me: i don't think i'd be interested. but thank you.
airplane boy: oh whatever

i asked my brother-in-law, "what does that mean?"

"just ignore him. either he's upset with you or he doesn't realize you were serious. let him figure it out."

"but should i respond? try to explain ... ?"

my brother-in-law replied, "only respond if you are going to change your answer. otherwise, don't."

"okay."

a half hour later:

airplane boy: go back to being a boring little church girl ... ha ha

that was mean. my brother-in-law said, "okay, don't respond. just let him get it out of his system. don't respond. that's all he wants is to get a rise out of you."

i waited another half hour or so, then i was disobedient:

me: are you kidding? i don't know what to do with that.

nothing further. kinda thought i wouldn't hear from him again ... until ... sunday:

airplane boy: how was church today?

i didn't respond. so he waited a half hour.

airplane boy: i'm sitting here all by myself

after another half hour, i decided i wasn't going to be a baby about it:

me: church was good. how was yours?
airplane boy: i didn't go, i didn't get home from big bear till 2

i didn't write him anymore. i really don't want to play this game. how much more clear can i be than to say that i'm not interested?

he texted me again today.

airplane boy: whatcha doin

umm, not talking to you ... :S

more than meets the eye

and after much anticipation ...

... wow. transformers movie is *awesome*.

went and saw it last night with my sister and her husband on the paramount lot. wow. *loved* that movie. all of you should *rush* out to see it. not kidding.

*so* many things about the movie that i loved. the effects were awesome. the story was good --kinda cheesy at parts, though. the action scenes were such a rush.

... oh, the memories of saturday morning cartoons ...

just wish they had used the old theme song in there somewhere ...

i miss him today